dottedline | IC Inbox for isleofavalon

[ That's true. Taichi stays quiet for a moment, thinking. Maybe the advice was rhetorical, but Taichi can't tell. He's just.. he wants to talk. He doesn't want to depress anyone or put his issues on anyone, but he doesn't know what to say and if he doesn't say anything and Azul picks an even mildly emotional song then he's gonna start crying for real. ]

That's not fair. We're here, doing what we can to save the world-- two worlds, in Hikaru and my case! Losing people left and right, and finally finding someone who made me feel like... [ Like he wasn't just constantly trying to mean something to everyone, constantly trying not to be forgotten, constantly trying to be someone people notice when he comes in the room. Even opening up to Azul like he has tonight, that's still a little too deep to go. Taichi has a lot of feelings of inadequacy and self-esteem issues that Hikaru knew about, and no one else did. But he can just continue without elaborating. The universe may not have killed his parents or anything so dramatic like would be in a movie, but it seems to enjoy beating him down every time he feels like he touches something real and reminding him that he's never enough. His voice lowers a little and he sinks into the couch, slumping down and pushing his head between the back cushions like this. ] I guess I've always been useless when it comes to saving the world... maybe I don't deserve to be with him any more than I have anything to offer for a trade.

Edited 2022-07-04 02:12 (UTC)

[...okay fuck it. He'll charge Taichi for his advice here later. He hates that he cares about this weird actor lord. Goddammit.]

You realize that most people will never be asked to save the world, yes? And, historically, those chosen for quests or other massive tasks are considered the best options?

[Or at least history considers them the best options.[

Then why do they keep picking a stupid, no-name actor whose biggest talents are ultra yo-yo and hyper origami?

[ He still hasn't come out from between the cushions when he says it, even though Azul's voice is a little muffled. He can still understand him, it's fine. ]

Taichi, you're a lord.

[Honestly. Also the fuck is hyper origami?]

Obviously you have more talents than that. For the love of God, you somehow got me to agree to this. [He gestures around them at this whole karaoke thing.] I don't do this. If I go anywhere that isn't strictly for business, Jade and Floyd have literally, physically forced me out.

I did all of that for Hikaru so he'd feel more at home, and he was gone when I got home from the ceremony...

[ Taichi has an unfortunate circumstances of putting a lot of hard work into things and always mastering what he needs to when it's too late. It happens a lot, which is why he has a number of skills borderline mastered that don't really impress anyone. Hyper origami, ultra yo-yo, he can even play keyboard because he thought it would make him popular but...

He shakes his head. ]

Sorry, Azu-chan, sometimes I just get in my head, and with Hikaru gone it's easier to slip into it. [ Since he's already down. It's not something that's been fixed even with people telling him that he doesn't need to feel guilty, or worthless, or like he's an untalented fake who tried to cheat to get what he wanted. So when he's down because of Hikaru, it's sometimes just right there a step away. ]

You really think getting people to hang out with me is a talent? I was just happy you wanted to come.

You still did it, which is more than most people would do. And yes, yes it is. I may not be as bad as some people, but as a rule I don't like socializing outside of my own home if it's not for work. And yet here I am.

You don't regret it, do you?

[ Taichi is a little bit convinced this is rapidly collapsing into a pile of shit outing and it's all his fault, so he really hopes he didn't screw this up. Knowing Azul doesn't go out a lot, he doesn't want Azul to feel like it was a bad decision to. ]

[There's a moment or two where Azul doesn't say anything, thinking about how oddly upset Jade seems to be about all of this and how, if pressed, he would admit to be worried.

But...it is nice to take breaks. He needs to remember that.]

No, not really.

[ That at least looks like it's a little relief. For a second, he was worried he was just being selfish and ignoring how Azul felt. ]

I'm glad... I know I'm like this right now but, I promise I'm not normally. I want you to have a good time with me.

I am having as good a time as I think I could be right now, Taichi.

[ Having calmed down a little, Taichi's lips pull up into a smile. And then he does ask: ]

Can I hug you again Azu-chan?

[. . .]

Once.

[ Taichi leans in to hug him, holding him tight and warmly for a few seconds. This is definitely a gentler hug than the previous excited one. ]

Heh, love you, Azu-chan~

[ Taichi is... a very affectionate sort with no shame, so this is just coming out. y'all are bffs now. ]

IC Inbox for isleofavalon

cw: self-worth issues

TAICHI BABY

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject